An introduction to values
Most clients hire me for weight loss– the kind that sustains. I’m perfectly happy to do that, as long as the choices you make are a reflection of your personal values.
Values are the reasons you make the choices you make. They are personal incentives and motivations behind decisions. They work best when they are consciously created and include a wider spectrum of reasons to eat that go beyond just weight loss.
Values are vital when creating eating habits (and life choices).
For example, I can think of nothing I’d rather do less than go to the cinema.
B-O-R-I-N-G.
Imagine how awful my social life would be if I tried to go every weekend because I “should.”
Now, dear reader, think about how previous weight loss attempts have impacted your life. The “should.”
Is it an enriching pursuit if it means you miss out on every social occasion for fear of breaking a strict rule set?
I suspect not.
You might have a weight loss goal—lose 30 lbs.
Having a goal might not be enough. You are sure to encounter motivations that conflict with that goal.
This is where values come in.
They help you make important decisions in the face of tempting alternatives.
Their power is not in making your nutrition perfect, but in helping you choose your responses when you finally accept imperfection.
Whilst you will make mistakes, values help you get back into alignment without the mental chatter and white noise suggesting you have failed.
Autopilot thought: I had pizza, failed my diet and pressed the F-it button. I’m a failure.
Conscious value: Pizza may not align immediately with my weight loss goal but taste, social connection and novelty are all valid reasons to eat.
Your values add depth to your goal. They increase the likelihood of the goal sustaining.
Take the following example.
John has wanted to lose 50 lbs for as long as he can remember. He tries to meticulously track his calorie intake, with no real direction. He is all or nothing. His lack of values look a lot like self-sabotage.
He quits when he gets frustrated—usually after a few days. He cannot tolerate imperfection and does not take time to understand that these are not failures. They are his unexplored desires to eat trying to tell him something.
He is on a new named diet weekly—new food rules. He’s at the mercy of anyone who offers him advice no matter how much it conflicts with his tastes and the practicalities of his life, let alone how false it might be.
Mark has wanted to lose 50 lbs for the same time as John but recently explored his values. He was unsure at first. But with time, he learned he loves a few drinks, ice cream with his son and wants to be fit and strong. He has accepted that his social life, family life and a sense of play and fun are some of his values. He wants to experience these moments without guilt and with joy.
He no longer sees a beer or ice cream as a threat. Consciously creating these values allows him to enjoy certain indulgences and stop when he has had enough. He is not failing because there is no perception of failure. He sees social interaction as valid a value as weight management, respecting that there needs to be a certain balance to hit his goal. This gives him the calmness to make personal decisions. He is no longer in a rush to an imagined end date.
Let’s explore some examples of how weight loss goals and other values interact.
Skipping a drink with a friend might align with the weight loss goal but conflict with your social interaction values making you more anxious.
Skipping a workout might not align with your weight loss goal but might align with your value on acceptance rendering it a more long-term success.
Eating a delicious salad might align with both your weight loss goal and your value of nourishment.
Eating the pizza might not align with the weight loss goal but does align with your value of unconditionally eating all kinds of foods without guilt.
Think of merging your weight loss goal and your values like learning to drive.
A teacher teaches you how to use the steering wheel, accelerator, clutch, controls etc. (The principle of calorie balance).
They teach you the risk associated with driving (potential psychological risks of weight loss).
But they can’t teach you where you will want to drive tomorrow, next week or in ten years (your values). The value in learning to drive is that you can do it alone.
A weight loss goal should be treated similarly. You need some “how to” but you also need personal reasons for your choices.
Different values can coexist and are interchangeable.
Exploring values teaches you reasons other than weight loss can and must coexist in your life.
You can choose new values to eat.
Some might include appreciation, joy, taste, acceptance, creativity, playfulness, exploring new recipes, culture, travel, celebration, vitality etc. These are personal. There are no right or wrong answers.
Whilst it’s probably impossible to disconnect from weight management entirely, you can place it lower down the hierarchy of importance for periods of your life. (This is often called a maintenance phase in the fitness scene).
Personal values show you no single food is good or bad.
Different foods satisfy different needs in different contexts.
Pizza won’t be good for my micronutrient intake. It might be good for my social health.
A salad is good for micronutrients, but it might be bad if I rely on salads and refrain from eating out with friends.
Spend some time with these questions:
Deep down, what really matters to me?
What’s the truest, happiest me I can imagine?
If I were my ideal self, how would I show up for myself in my relationships, in my free time? (Can I do that now? Could I embody this before weight loss?)
What do I want my life to be about?
If I wasn’t thinking about others’ opinions and judgments, what would I do differently in my life?
You can also try completing this sentence: “I want to be the kind of person who “______.”
Once you have an idea of the kind of person you want to be, you can start connecting your weight goal to your values. It takes your goal from “I want to lose 50 pounds. End of” to “I want to lose this weight and get to this goal because __.”
Whatever you are experiencing now, chances are it’s not random. It’s probably connected to the things you value most. Take time and explore those values today.
Five important values for my eating choices and habits are:
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